I Can’t Stop Obsessing Over Someone I Love, Why?

So I received a message from a client after not connecting for over two years because their life was going so smoothly, and then they had a breakup. They said it had been a month since the breakup already but for whatever reason they could not stop obsessing over this lost love. They wanted to know why? Why can I not let them go and will it ever be possible?

This person’s case may of course be different than one you’ve dealt or are dealing with, therefore take only what resonates and makes sense to you. Theirs was a passionate relationship with serious highs and deep lows They would be in bliss for a few days and then they would have a big blow out fight. Then they would apologize, come back together, have wonderful make up sex and things would relax for a little while but this pattern would repeat, eventually causing the end of them. But, there was something else at play here and they both knew it because whichever of them would seek to leave, they would gravitate back to the other as if by magnetism.

What they had on their hands could be called by many different names – twin flames, soul contract, soul mates, karmic love, shadow love, you name it. There was something else at play here beyond their physical and emotional attraction; which is often the case with those puzzling relationships that surprise us in our lives. These deeper love stories could span weeks or years, but its familiar in the sense that the intense connection between the two people in it is unlike anything they’ve experienced before, they have passionate discussions, connections and fights, they feel a strong love beyond simple caring, and this connection likely developed very quickly.

This was the reason why my client couldn’t let go of this person because the Universe had a plan for both of them, but it wasn’t to become a love forever after. I call these relationships, Phoenix Love. The point of this kind of relationship is for both participants to essentially:

  • destroy or transmute any baggage from their past relationships. The kind that habitually got in the way previously. This love will force you to unpack that crap or finally let it go and operate differently in love.
  • highlight the parts of ourselves we have the most trouble with, as in our Shadow side, that we’ve neglected, resisted or ignored to the point that we’ve held ourselves back in life. This love will point them out in painfully real ways.
  • challenge you to be a better version of yourself, but usually not to have this relationship survive. Instead, this love prepares you for your true ideal love that’s meant for you next.
  • evolve your definition, beliefs and capacity to love and be loved. This love will make you stretch closer towards an unconditional type of love that is first felt towards yourself, and then to others.

To wrap things up, a relationship that seems to linger or that neither party seems to be able to move beyond may be this Phoenix Love kind of relationships and if that’s the case, its the Universe binding you both together until you both learn the lessons and accept the gifts this relationship was meant to give you.

What we ended up doing with my client is a wisdom process to review the relationship and see it for what it is at the Universal level and then it became easier to finally end things with their ex. Rather quickly, they were then able to make peace with it all and the obsession lifted!

If you’ve got a puzzling love on your hands and you need some help with it, feel free to reach out! As always, all my love and blessings to you,
-David

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