Love Matters More Than Blood in Creating a Fulfilling & Happy Life
When I was younger, living in LA in my early 20s, I often found myself sitting with my closest friends at the time, hanging out at our favorite spot, sharing a cocktail and ruminating over the latest dramatic events in our lives. I found myself thinking back to this time period of my life a lot this week, following the tragic event in Orlando where so many of the victims were young and gay. I thought about how the latest tale of heartbreak or petty conflict with my friends back then felt so intensely painful and challenging. I recalled one friend, in particular, who would always greet the conclusion of my story with the same response: Life is full of pain, and then you die.
At the time, I would merely laugh it off and keep going to the latest gossip. However, his message stuck with me and still often echoes in my mind at various times; when I see the latest tragedy on the news, when I’m the sympathetic ear to a loved one, or when I’m comforting a client from a recent loss. Life is full of pain, we know this. But we also know that it is full of unimaginable beauty and pleasures we will never encounter again when we leave these bodies of ours. Throughout the years as a psychic medium, and countless conversations with the spirits of lost loved ones, I’ve assembled a number of Truths from the afterlife, insights that have given me directions for a happier and more fulfilled life!
I realized as I sat down to compose this article that these Truths of the universe fit neatly into an idea that has always been prevalent in the LGBT community— the idea that often, for gay people, our family is composed of people who are hand selected or showed up and simply refused to leave our side. Often, the family we received by blood are not the family who stand with us and by us during the most challenging and tragic times in our lives. This article is for everyone, but in particular, I write this for the victims of the Pulse Nightclub shooting in Orlando, and for their families, both by blood and by bond.
Truth One: Love Matters More Than Blood
This one powerful Truth has gifted me with greater presence, intimacy and freedom from lasting heartache. You must know that the family you’re born into will not necessarily be who you are surrounded by when you pass away. The family you choose, whether they are related by blood or by positive regard, are the loved ones that continue on with you. Your unbearable uncle or your ever-critical parent will only be there in the afterlife if you love them more than you are obligated to tolerate them. What this means is that those you have connected with in that deep, warm, loving way will be there in your afterlife when you open your energetic eyes on the other side.
Here’s how this works – Love is a physio-energetic experience that bonds us together. Think of someone you love with all your heart— memories of them may flood your mind, a tingly good feeling may tickle your belly, and you may not be able to stop that smile from spreading across your face. This is because you are forever connected to them. That one experience of love with and for them bonds the two of you together! The only way to dissolve that connection is to sustain anger and hate towards them. Over time, this will erode that lovely bond.
Loving deeply while here on earth, living your beautiful life allows you to be fully present for those you hold dear. This emotion forces you to release worry of the past and anxieties of the future. Letting love fill you deeply increases the amount of intimacy you allow in your life because love compels you to connect, to communicate, to investigate and pursue. This all then leads to shared experiences and moments of combined joy that pepper your lifeline like a string of lights shining in unison. Loving, as free of conditions as possible frees you up from holding grudges, sustained heartache and the pain of bitterness. Love in this way helps you to erase those moments that aren’t so lovely. Your resilience to betrayals, scathing words, and true harm is higher because love and its opposites (yes, because of the various kinds of love, it has many opposites like fear, disconnection, hate, neglect, etc.) cannot exist within the same moment in you. Love is more likely to win!
Go out into the world and open your heart as well as your mind, love deeply and fully and trust that you will always be supported and cared for regardless of what happens throughout your life. As you are able to gift this to yourself, you are then more able to gift it to those around you. So love deeply and often; you never lose when you live wholeheartedly.
Truth Two: Your Baggage Carries On
Not one of your earthly possessions, nor one cent of your money, and no cell of your body will go with you into the afterlife. None of it! However, there is much that you do carry onward when you pass away— your loving connections of course, but also your unresolved traumas, your unprocessed emotions and those burdensome hurts from others and yourself. In other words, all that icky baggage is yours to keep as long as you’d like to hold on to it; whether consciously or otherwise.
Here’s a rule of thumb I give to the people who work with me on developing their own spirituality— you can tell a lot about a person by how they show up when you interact with them. The lighter they travel, the more free they likely prefer to be. The more they bring with them, the more they likely have to process and liberate themselves from in this life. I mean this in a very literal, physical sense. You can think about yourself or those around you as I give a few examples. I know people who show up carrying bags filled with extra clothes and various accoutrements; more than they could possibly need during the course of a normal day. This typically indicates that they care more about the opinions of others. They find safety in being able to “change their costume” if needed to more easily fit into whatever situation or environment in which they may find themselves.
Some people carry more weight on their body than is healthy, and this is a clear signal to the amount of pain they have likely endured. If these people take an honest look at their grudges and that hit-list (you know what I’m talking about, that list of people you wouldn’t mind if they got hit by a bus), they would see that the emotional entanglement with these moments or people throughout their life is literally weighing heavily on their sense of self. That clutter that fills your life— paperwork, useless things or literally garbage— is kept around you to signal the degree of love you have for yourself. The less clutter, the more you love yourself, the more clutter, the more healing you need of yourself. The clutter is an attempt to make yourself feel better. That can only be accomplished, however, by facing the emotional clutter that prevents you from truly feeling happy and fulfilled.
Only you truly know how much you’re lugging around with you on a daily basis. While, as a psychic, I do get an accurate insight into how burdened a client is, most people in our lives are not able to see the world which exists inside us. Therefore, it is hard for anyone to help us as much as we need to be helped until we decide to free ourselves as much as possible! Now does this mean that you let go of those mementos from those trips and places you’ve traveled? Not exactly. It means that each and every day you are allowed to live, you allow yourself to live as lightly, as lovingly, and as joyful as possible— because you deserve it! Be grateful of how easy and carefree you can be. Release the need for control in your life, over yourself and others, for this will reward you with healthier boundaries and stronger relationships. Plus, as a psychic, I have a major spoiler alert for you. We actually control very little while in this plane of existence— our thoughts, our feelings, our words and our actions. Nothing else.
Truth Three: Delay Is a Gift
Patience is a virtue right? Yadayadayada. Yes, I’m one of those impatient fools who tries to rush everything possible in my life. From how fast my food cooks, to traffic, to how someone feels about me, I try to push anything and everything to conform to my timeline. This leads to an implied distrust in the Universe and Divine Timing which inevitably gifts you with frustration or disappointment; no good.
We have all experienced that feeling of desperately wanting to make something happen or prevent something from happening. Even when we feel like we did everything we possibly could, we will still spend time and energy worrying. More often than not, that thing we worried and obsessed about either didn’t happen at all or it surprised us by resolving in an unexpected and better way. What would have happened if you hadn’t worried and instead just let go, trusting that the Universe had it handled? The truth is that worrying gave you nothing but more worry and additional stress. This cycle can be easily avoided if you learn to believe in your core that delay is always a gift.
There are mechanics at work in the background of our lives that we are not privy to unless we have the sight to perceive them. One of these mechanics is the gap of time between a thought and the experience of the contents of that thought. Let me give you an example. When you decide you want a better job you think of the idea then time passes where you likely do some research or footwork then at a future moment, you get a better job. The Universe gifted you with the desire to get out, an awareness of the next step in your life, and that awareness is experienced by us as our own inner “thinking.”
This is great and necessary because in the afterlife there is absolutely no delay. What you think and feel becomes immediately experienced. Imagine that, just an hour of everyone on Earth experiencing that which they think of or desire. All of it. Scary thought, right? Once you embrace delay as a gift, you have the opportunity to discipline your mind and emotions so you are more careful where you place your attention and thoughts. This disciplined focus allows you to more easily trust that the next chapter after this one will go more smoothly and more beautifully.
I know from my own personal experience and from working with thousands of people during the course of my career that embracing these Three Simple Truths will yield for you a happier and more fulfilling life. You deserve it. As someone whose life’s work is so heavily mingled with death and pain and grief, I always offer up this same advice when events like the tragedy in Orlando cause us to become unsettled and scared and desperate; a soothing beacon to look to for safety and reassurance. Live your life—each and every moment— with an absolute conviction to make that moment as beautiful and meaningful as possible.
As always, if you would like some help applying these truths in your own life, please reach out and allow me to assist you. I’d love to be invited in so we can make the world a richer place by connecting with the very best you that is possible.
Love and blessings to you,